There is a specific flavor of Tuesday night where you and your person are on the couch, three episodes deep into something neither of you is watching, and one of you says “we should do something.” Nobody does something.
Here is the something. Skip the sex games at the back of the party store (written by someone who has clearly never met a woman). Your next date night is already in the hall closet, under the Monopoly nobody has ever finished. It just needs new house rules.
One rule before we start: the naughty rule has to come from the game itself. If it works on any game, it’s lazy, and lazy is not hot.
Backgammon. Play for minutes. The loser owes the winner five minutes of whatever they want, and the winner gets to bring Reverie into it. Feeling lucky? Offer the doubling cube. Your opponent can accept and play for ten, or fold and pay up right now. Keep doubling. Things escalate quickly, which is the point.
Scrabble. The word you play is what happens next. Under 10 points, your partner can veto it. Over 10, they can’t. Triple word score means you do it three times, and a bingo (all seven tiles) means you run the rest of the evening, Oui included.
Jenga. While one of you pulls a block, the other is allowed to be as distracting as they like. Our Ouvert Panties gives her a deeply, gloriously unfair advantage. Whoever knocks the tower over hands control to the other for the rest of the night.
Battleship. Every time you land a hit, your opponent slips on the Playtime Sleep Mask and you get one minute to do whatever you like. Sink a whole ship and it’s five. Hit or miss was always a little suggestive.
Uno. Reverse: whoever played it is now in charge. Skip: everything stops, right when it’s getting good. Draw Four: four minutes of whatever the player wants. Wild: they pick the toy, Diviner or Piqué, and the other person doesn’t get a vote.
Chess. Every piece is a prize. Pawn: a kiss. Knight or bishop: something bolder. Rook: an item of clothing. Queen: Spellbound, and anything you want to do with it. Capture a piece, collect the prize. And yes, losing your queen on purpose is now a legitimate strategy.
How to make it work
- Agree on vetoes before the first move. Either of you can call time out, no questions asked.
- Set the scene: phones in another room, candles lit, something good to drink.
- Stock the toy box before game night, so a Wild card or a sunk ship never stalls the action. The Cerē x Kiki de Montparnasse Voyage Kit is the easy one-box answer.
- Don’t bother finishing the game. Nobody ever does.
It was never really about winning. It’s the waiting between turns.
Now go find the Scrabble.
xoxo,
Cerē
